What Jesus said about Conflict, Arguments & Reconciliation

Jesus on conflict: being reconciled to an offended brother quickly, going to someone privately first, not taking revenge, and telling Peter to put away his sword.

1. Anger and contempt toward a brother are morally serious.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 5:21–22

   King James Version

   Matthew 5:21–22

   ²¹Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:

   ²²But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

2. Reconciliation with an offended brother should be pursued urgently.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 5:23–24

   King James Version

   Matthew 5:23–24

   ²³Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

   ²⁴Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

3. Settle conflicts before they escalate into judgment.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 5:25–26; Luke 12:57–59

   King James Version

   Matthew 5:25–26

   ²⁵Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.

   ²⁶Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.

   Luke 12:57–59

   ⁵⁷Yea, and why even of yourselves judge ye not what is right?

   ⁵⁸When thou goest with thine adversary to the magistrate, as thou art in the way, give diligence that thou mayest be delivered from him; lest he hale thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and the officer cast thee into prison.

   ⁵⁹I tell thee, thou shalt not depart thence, till thou hast paid the very last mite.

4. Do not retaliate in personal vengeance.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 5:38–42; Luke 6:29–30

   King James Version

   Matthew 5:38–42

   ³⁸Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:

   ³⁹But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

   ⁴⁰And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.

   ⁴¹And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

   ⁴²Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.

   Luke 6:29–30

   ²⁹And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.

   ³⁰Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

5. Be willing to absorb insult and inconvenience rather than mirror hostility.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 5:39–41

   King James Version

   Matthew 5:39–41

   ³⁹But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

   ⁴⁰And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.

   ⁴¹And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

6. Do not judge hypocritically while ignoring your own greater fault.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 7:1–5; Luke 6:37, 41–42

   King James Version

   Matthew 7:1–5

   ¹Judge not, that ye be not judged.

   ²For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

   ³And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

   ⁴Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

   ⁵Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

   Luke 6:37, 41–42

   ³⁷Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

   ⁴¹And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

   ⁴²Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother’s eye.

7. Maintain salt and peace among yourselves.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Mark 9:49–50

   King James Version

   Mark 9:49–50

   ⁴⁹For every one shall be salted with fire, and every sacrifice shall be salted with salt.

   ⁵⁰Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith will ye season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another.

8. Do not condemn; forgive and you will be forgiven.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Luke 6:37

   King James Version

   Luke 6:37

   ³⁷Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

9. If a brother sins, go privately first and seek restoration.

   Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 18:15

   King James Version

   Matthew 18:15

   ¹⁵Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

10. If private correction fails, bring one or two others.

    Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 18:16

    King James Version

    Matthew 18:16

    ¹⁶But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

11. If the brother still will not listen, tell it to the church.

    Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 18:17

    King James Version

    Matthew 18:17

    ¹⁷And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

12. If someone refuses to hear even the church, he is to be treated as an outsider.

    Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 18:17

    King James Version

    Matthew 18:17

    ¹⁷And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

13. Those who take the sword will perish by the sword.

    Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 26:52

    King James Version

    Matthew 26:52

    ⁵²Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.

14. Jesus told Peter to put his sword back in its place.

    Read the Scripture (KJV) Matthew 26:52; John 18:11

    King James Version

    Matthew 26:52

    ⁵²Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.

    John 18:11

    ¹¹Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?

15. Allow the arrest to proceed rather than escalating violence.

    Read the Scripture (KJV) Luke 22:51; John 18:8–11

    King James Version

    Luke 22:51

    ⁵¹And Jesus answered and said, Suffer ye thus far. And he touched his ear, and healed him.

    John 18:8–11

    ⁸Jesus answered, I have told you that I am he: if therefore ye seek me, let these go their way:

    ⁹That the saying might be fulfilled, which he spake, Of them which thou gavest me have I lost none.

    ¹⁰Then Simon Peter having a sword drew it, and smote the high priest’s servant, and cut off his right ear. The servant’s name was Malchus.

    ¹¹Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?

16. Before his arrest, Jesus told the disciples to prepare for hard times, yet he then refused to let them defend him with the sword.

    Read the Scripture (KJV) Luke 22:35–38, 49–51

    King James Version

    Luke 22:35–38, 49–51

    ³⁵And he said unto them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing.

    ³⁶Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.

    ³⁷For I say unto you, that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me, And he was reckoned among the transgressors: for the things concerning me have an end.

    ³⁸And they said, Lord, behold, here are two swords. And he said unto them, It is enough.

    ⁴⁹When they which were about him saw what would follow, they said unto him, Lord, shall we smite with the sword?

    ⁵⁰And one of them smote the servant of the high priest, and cut off his right ear.

    ⁵¹And Jesus answered and said, Suffer ye thus far. And he touched his ear, and healed him.